The Four Agreements--Summarized for Busy People by Goldmine Reads

Author:Goldmine Reads [Reads, Goldmine]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Goldmine Reads
Published: 2018-09-12T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 4: THE THIRD AGREEMENT

Don’t Make Assumptions

There are a lot of things we assume in life thinking that they’re true despite causing problems later on. This can cause misunderstandings, taking things personally, and unnecessary drama. You may find yourself scared to clarify so you create these guesses and believe you’re right; you will also defend them making sure that it’s not misunderstood. But these assumptions bring nothing but suffering. Why not just ask a question? That won’t hurt.

It’s natural for the mind to find chaos from misunderstanding or misinterpreting things. You don’t see things clearly and opt instead to focus on the things you want to notice—the things created by your mind. When there are things that you can’t understand, you assume its meaning and end up becoming disappointed if it wasn’t what you expected. Assumptions in relationships can also cause problems, thinking that there’d be no need to say anything because the other person would understand what you’re thinking. You would end up becoming hurt when they fail to meet your expectations.

Assumptions, ultimately, make relationships difficult.

The mind has this need to explain, justify, and understand everything to feel safe, but the mind can’t explain everything—hence, assumptions. Any answers, be it right or wrong, can simply put the mind at ease. It satisfies the mind’s demand to understand and ceases to make communication relevant. You begin to assume, even the ones that you can’t understand because you’re afraid of asking questions.

It’s easy to make quick assumptions because it’s an agreement to think that it’s a normal form of communication. This goes to believing in something so much that you end up destroying relationships in order to keep your assumptions justified. You may think that other people’s views are the same as yours, so you begin to hide your true self around people—fearing that they’ll judge or blame you the way you do with yourself.

Along with this is assuming a lot about yourself—you may underestimate or overestimate your abilities because you haven’t looked at yourself, asked questions, and answered them. Perhaps you may begin to be truthful about what you say to yourself.

Liking someone and going into a relationship will allow you to explain several things that you like about the other, even going so far as to thinking your love may change them. In truth, people don’t change because of other people, they change simply because they want to. Love is not something to justify; loving someone will mean accepting them without forcing them to change. That person must also do the same with you.

When you cease pretending to be someone you’re not, you’ll be accepted by those who truly love you. You will be able to filter out those who couldn’t love you as you are. This may not be idealistic, but it’s important that others clearly understand your agreements. It’s also important to ask questions and clarify before jumping to conclusions. Don’t be afraid to ask until it becomes clear, this is important especially in certain situations.

Speak up when you’re asking for what you want.

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